In my head, I am still eighteen.
In my head, I am cool and studly.
Well, OK, maybe my head was the only place I was ever cool and studly.
But the thing of it is, while I might still be doing the
Time Warp in my head, the rest of me is slowly stumbling towards decreptitude.
My hearing is departing, my knees are deteriorating and I can't watch TV without falling asleep.
What the hell has happened to me? Once upon a time I could rock 'n' roll all night and party every day. And in my mind, I could still do that. But, all my traitorous old body wants to do is be seduced, once again, by "the comfortable chair". Two minutes in that chair and my head is bobbing backwards and then the sound of snoring ensues, not unlike that of a contented kitten's purr.
But I'm not ready to give into middle-age just yet. The other day, I told My Wife, "The next time my class has a high school reunion, I want to go. I keep seeing guys about my age who are balding. And look at this." I bent over and ruffled my full head of hair.
"You want to show them gray hair?"
"No," I said confidently, "A full, thick head of hair."
"Gray hair," she muttered.
"That doesn't matter," I retorted, not letting her sarcasm besmirch my pride in my full head of hair. "Look how thick it is." I bent over again to prove my point.
"But it's gray."
I shook my head and shuffled off. She was missing the point (she always does).
And then today, the unthinkable happened.
I was at the drive-thru window at Wendy's with my five-year-old, getting him a kid's meal, when the girl at the pick-up window said,
"Oh, is that your Grandson?"
Oh well. What can I say? I have to admit my body is in the full throes of adulthood. But in my head, KISS rules and the music is NEVER too loud.